I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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