great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
