you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
