apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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