I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
