Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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