If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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