Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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