Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
