apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
