I'm so fucking centered right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
