Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
