jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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