I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
