When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
