I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
