apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
