the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
