I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
