Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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