I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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