yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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