now i know why i became what i already was.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
