I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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