R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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