new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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