instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
