i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
