If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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