I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
