he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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