I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
