I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
