My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
