my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
