this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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