just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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