just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
