Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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