its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
