Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My breasts were aching with rage.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
