At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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