Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
