he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
