i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think my mom watched the whole time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
