best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
