Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
