i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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