Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
