THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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