you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
