the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
