no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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